DISCLAIMER-FIREWORKS and PARAMOUNT own the show SUMMARY-The Queen meets the infamous gentleman-thief Arsene Lupin III COMMENTS-A QUEEN OF SWORDS/LUPIN III crossover. LUPIN III is an ANIME (Japanese cartoon) dating from the 1970s about a gentleman thief. It is very funny and entertaining. I recommend 1980's THE CASTLE OF CAGLIOSTRO avaliable in all video stores. LUPIN is French for "wolf".

THE WOLF
By Neil Burns

It was a warm pleasant evening when a strange noise awoke Marta. The Gypsy woman got out of bed and put her robe on. As she left her room, she saw Tessa coming out of her room the same time.

"What is it, Marta?" Tessa's face was a mask of concern. "A thief?"

"Perhaps," Marta replied. "Let us be careful."

The two women crept into the main hall, their bare feet softly pattering on the floor. Marta slunk to the kitchen to grab a knife while Tessa pulled her father's sword from off the mantle. The two women converged on a figure with its back turned, emptying the safe nonchalantly. Tessa poked the blade into the figure's back, causing it to stiffen as Marta held it to the intruder's throat.

"Who are you," she rasped. "And why are you here?"

"Merde!" the figure cursed softly.

"You are French," Tessa observed in the same language.

"Oui, mademoiselle."

The figure turned around and Marta and Tessa's candlelight revealed a tall, spare man with neatly coiffured dark hair. His handsome face had a boyish, simian quality and his eyes gleamed with good humor. The lips curved in a disarming smile that warmed Tessa even though her father's blade was at the man's throat. He gently pushed the sword aside and bowed, taking her hand and planted a gentle brushing kiss on the back.

"Enchantez, mademoiselle. Permittez-moi s'il vous plait. Aresene Hercule Lupin III. I trust I didn't disturb you."

Tessa's eyebrows arched at the temerity. "Actually," she replied in French. "You did. It is the middle of the night and a strange man is in my home trying to rob me."

"Ah, but I am not hurting anyone."

"I beg your pardon? You are robbing me. You are violating my privacy and therefore hurting me. Put everything back now!"

Marta's knife dug into Lupin's neck, making it clear she would brook no nonsense. Lupin returned the items and closed the safe. Tessa led him to a chair and made him sit down. Surprisingly, the boyish smile remained on his face as if he was used to being caught. Marta had one of the peons get Captain Grisham as she brought in a tray with lemonade. Lupin nodded in gratitude as he took a glass and saluted Tessa.

"Salute, ma cherie," he smiled. "Is there a man of the house?"

"No, Monsieur Lupin," Tessa replied. "I run the hacienda."

"All by yourself? I admire independent women."

"Merci. Just what did you hope to accomplish robbing my home?"

"Steal some valuables and head off into the night, never to bother people anymore. You are an absolute dream, mademoiselle. A muse of inspiration. A goddess of beauty and delight. Aphrodite herself is jealous of your beauty."

"You are a flatterer, monsieur." Tessa found herself liking the thief. He had a sunny charm and infectious personality that she found appealing.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and Grisham entered with soldiers. He clicked his heels and saluted. Tessa nodded as her eyes narrowed slightly. You will pay for murdering my father, Captain. Very soon. I promise you, she thought.

"Senorita Alvarado?" he oozed. "I understand you caught a thief?"

"I have," Tessa smiled, indicating Lupin chatting with Marta, who listened unamused.

"When did he enter?"

"About half an hour ago. Marta and I heard a noise and saw him going through the safe. Marta sent Horacio to find you."

"Good thing I was patrolling nearby."

The soldiers walked toward Lupin who calmly finished his lemonade and stood, his hands raised. He followed the soldiers outside, giving Tessa and Marta a wicked wink. Grisham nodded and took his leave. The two women went back to bed, but Tessa could not sleep so easily. She thought about the thief. The boyish handsome face. The easy charm and good humor. Perhaps I can put in a good word for him tommorrow. She fell asleep, smiling as she dreamed about Aresene Hercule Lupin III.

The next morning was a rare cool relief with Zephyr dancing gently in the azure sky and Sol was smiling on Montoya's courtyard where the Colonel was in the middle of his daily ritual of taking care of his roses. He heard footsteps and saw Tessa Alvarado enter with Marta by her side. Ah, such a charming pair. I wonder what they want of me.

"Senorita Alvarado," Montoya purred. A gentle kiss touched Tessa hand, the bristles of the Colonel's Van Dyke tickling the skin. "I may have said this, but my prize roses shrivel and pale in comparison to the lovely flower before me."

"Colonel Montoya," Tessa smiled. "It is always a pleasure to see you."

"What can this humble servant of the people do for you?"

Marta bit back a comment.

"The prisoner. Senor Lupin?"

"Si. I am about to have Grisham interrogate him."

"Could you release him?"

"Maria Teresa! You are asking me to neglect my duties?"

"Not at all, Luis," Tessa smiled as she took a rose and gently inserted it into Montoya's lapel. "It is just he returned the items and apologized. Marta and I are not going to press charges, so we are here to ask for your wisdom and compassion."

Marta did not know if she was going to laugh or vomit so she kept quiet as Montoya again graced Tessa's hand with a gentle kiss.

"Very well, Maria Teresa," Montoya oozed. "Consider it done. As a personal favor to you and your charming duena."

Lupin was in the cell playing Blackjack with de Sola when Grisham entered. The guard snapped to attention and saluted. Grisham returned the salute, his eyebrows raised.

"Bonjour, Monsieur Capitan," the thief smiled. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, Froggie," Grisham replied. "I did. You're in luck. The Colonel has pardoned you and dropped all charges."

"Vraiment?"

"Yeah. Senorita Alvarado ain't pressing any charges so you're free."

Lupin bounced off the cot and waltzed to the door only to be stopped by Grisham whose hand was clamped on his shoulders like a vise, his face bare centimeters from the thief's.

"I'd suggest you watch your ass, Frenchy," Grisham almost whispered. "The Colonel can still hang you and it'd be my pleasure to pull the lever."

"I assure you, Capitan," Lupin smiled solemnly. "I shall, as you Americans say, keep my nose clean."

"See that you do. Now get out of my sight."

The thief shook hands with de Sola and walked out of the jail humming. Spotting Tessa and Marta talking to a tall spare Englishman, he waltzed over and bowed.

"Bonjour mes amis," he chirped. "I wish you thank you, cherie, for speaking on my behalf. It was most kind."

"Not at all, Senor Lupin," Tessa smiled. "No harm done."

"Lupin?" Helm's eyebrows arched. "As in the Aresene Hercule Lupin?"

"You know him, Dr Helm?" Marta queried amused. "Ladies, you are in the presence of a member of the most notorious family of thieves going back to Joan of Arc at Orleans."

Tessa gasped slightly as Lupin modestly closed his eyes and shrugged.

"In all of Europe," Helm continued, "including France, the Lupin name is notorious and the police have fits. To date, not one family member has been caught or convicted."

"Well," Lupin smiled. "We're just fortunate that Hermes smiles on us."

"Who is Hermes?" Marta asked.

"The Greek messenger god and patron god of thieves."

"My dear Aresene," Helm interjected putting a mock-friendly arm around Lupin, "if I may call you that."

"Of course, Robert." the thief pronounced it RO-bear.

"If you wish to stick around, it's your funeral. Not too many people get arrested by Montoya and live. I suggest you leave on the fastest horse and thank God Montoya was in a merciful mood."

The cantina door opened and Don Gaspar and Dona Vera Hildago walked out chatting about a party they were planning. Lupin's eyes narrowed as a lupine grin creased his lips. He waltzed over to the flowerstand and purchased a large bouquets of roses. He then danced up to Vera and dramatically knelt planting a gallant kiss on a surpised yet amused Dona.

"O glorious goddess sent from Olympus," he exclaimed. "Please permit this unworthy mortal to pay homage with this small tribute." Lupin placed the bouquet in her hands.

"Gracias," Vera smiled. "You are most kind."

"Good monsieur." Lupin turned to Gaspar. "You are the envy of men everywhere. How were you able to win the hand of this rarest of all treasures?"

Tessa and Marta giggled at the thief's brazeness as Helm merely rolled his eyes. Tessa turned to Helm and gave him a mock pout.

"Why do you never talk to me like that, Robert?" she mused.

"For one thing," Helm quipped dryly, " 'goddess' is not how I would describe you."

"How would you?"

"I think Montoya has used all of them." Helm shook his head. "Damn, that man is bloody smooth."

Unbeknownst to all, Montoya was also observing this with Captain Grisham. The Military Governor's serpentine visage was a mask of amusement while the ex-patriate glowered at the Frenchman spinning his verbal magic.

"It seems," Montoya chirped, "you and the doctor are not the only ones who have a way with the fairer sex."

"Who does that damn Frog think he is?" Grisham growled.

"A charming rogue who is, how you say', 'hitting on' the Dona?"

"Over my dead body."

"Afraid of a little competition, Captain?" Montoya's voice teased cruelly. "Invite him to my party tonight. I am certain he will be quite 'the hit of the party', as you might say."

It was a little later in the afternoon and Tessa was buying silk for Marta to make a new dress. She heard voices and saw Lupin talking in Japanese with two others. One was an athletically-built woman with raven hair and the other was a tall slender man with a beard, but no mustache. He also wore a hat which almost covered his eyes. Tessa did not speak the language, but from the body language and the laughing, they were discussing something amusing.

"Senor Lupin?" Tessa greeted in French. "How are you? Are these friends of yours?"

"Ah," the thief smiled. "Fair Therese. May I present my friends Gigen and Fujiko."

"Welcome to Santa Helena." The two merely nodded. "They do not speak much to strangers."

"I see. Well, I will see you at the party."

Tessa nodded to the two Japanese who nodded politely back and left for home.

That night, Lupin was indeed the hit of the party as he spun a wonderful tale, performing a little magic to accent the story. Rob and Tessa stood near the Frenchman, amazed that he could hold the guests spellbound. Even the diabolically perceptive Montoya, who was not easily guillable, seemed intrigued. Suddenly, an explosion rocked the hacienda and alarmed the guests. A soldier ran up to Montoya.

"Diaz!" Montoya snapped. "Where did that come from?"

"Your study, sir," Diaz replied. "Your bookcase is destroyed."

"Destroyed?!" Montoya grew pale. My gold! "Who did it?"

"I don't know, sir. I saw two figures on what appeared to be a flying bicycle."

People murmered and chuckled at the unlikely sight. Bicycles don't fly. If God wanted man to fly then He would have given them wings. Montoya had to restrain himself from hitting the soldier.

"There is no such thing, idiot!" "Actually," Helm put in, "that is not entirely true. da Vinci designed a flying machine that resembled a bicycle. Perhaps the thieves could have built it."

"Perdonez-moi," Lupin interjected. "I enjoy your hospitalitly, but I am feeling a little tired. I think I'll call it a night."

"But, Senor Lupin," Montoya replied, glad to switch back to host mode, "it is nearly dinnertime and my chef has prepared a special feast."

"I am sure. However, I had a little something before I came. So thank you again and have a very pleasant evening."

Lupin left, giving all the Donas present roses and kisses on the hands, as Tessa and Helm observed. Marta came up and joined them.

"Something is wrong," Marta stated.

"I think he's hiding something."

"Yes," Helm replied. "As the Americans might say, 'I smell a rat'."

"He did not seem too distraught about Montoya's bookshelf being destroyed."

"Montoya's gold is there," Tessa interjected. "Why would they rob Montoya during a party unless--"

"Unless they planned it," Helm smiled. "I'm willing to bet that Lupin was a distraction to keep Montoya occupied."

"As you say, Robert, he is smooth. It is time for dinner. We can deal with this later."

It was late when Tessa and Marta rode up to the hacienda when they noticed a number of peons armed and angry. One of them held the horse while another helped Marta and Tessa from the cart.

"What is it, Leon?" Tessa asked. "Robbery!" Leon entered. "Thieves broke in and took everthing!"

"What?"

Tessa and Marta ran into the hacienda and saw it was a mess. Furniture was tipped over. Drawers overturned on the floor and the sofa. Papers and articles strewn everywhere. The safe was open and empty.

The next day, all the Dons were gathered in Montoya's courtyard, having been robbed while they were enjoying Montoya's party until all hours. Montoya descended the stair with a note in his hand and a furious scowl on his serpentine visage.

"It seems Senor Lupin had paid us all a visit," he intoned keeping his calm. "I have a note he left. It is for all of us.

My dear friends, Your hospitality was most appreciated and I thank you for making me welcome. Please don't be offended that I robbed you. I am a thief, like my father and his father and so on. You should be flattered that you were robbed by THE BEST and know that you will never catch me. I am the Wolf and I strike suddenly and where I please. Farewell and thank you again for your generosity with your valuables. Aresene Herucle Lupin III "

Gasps and screams of outrage filled the courtyard as the Dons and their wives demanded the thief's blood for this shameful deed. Tessa and Marta looked at each other and nodded wordlessly.

In a hotel courtyard in Monterrey, Lupin was enjoying a drink and laughed at how easy the Santa Helena job was. Dons living spread out so patrols could not check on them. Nice fat wealthy Dons. Alvarado and Hildago seemed to be the richest next to Montoya who had a hidden room full of gold and artifacts. In fact, he hit a goldmine. Not only did he clean out the Dons, Tessa and Montoya, but he found a cave filled with riches that he had to have. I'm at least a good week's from their soldiers. I'll just pack and head back home before anyone shows up. Suddenly, he felt a blade jab his neck. He turned and saw a woman dressed in black, her face half-covered by a fine lace mask and her lips in a mocking smile.

"Bonjour, Monsieur Lupin," the Queen said tightly. "Did you think you could get away with this?"

"Le Rei de Rapiers," Lupin replied, attempting to kiss the vigilantress' gloved hand but was met with a dagger to his throat. "What a divine honor to met one so divine. All the world's flowers wilt in tribute to your exquisiteness."

"As the Americanos would say, 'flattery will get you nowhere'."

"C'est la vie. How may I be of assistance?"

"Return what you have stolen."

The Frenchman sat down and studied the woman in front of him while enjoying a glass of wine. She wanted him to return all the Dons' and Montoya's valuables and she was a thief herself! Such temerity. What a divine creature.

"Perdonez moi, cherie." A playful smirk graced the handsome simian visage. "You are saying that all this is your territory and nobody else has the right to infringe, n'est pas?"

"No. I am saying that the Dons and Colonel Montoya want your head on a pike in the center of Santa Helena."

"They all want that," Lupin chuckled.

"Therefore, if you wish to avoid any trouble, return what you have stolen and I will see what I can do to persuade the Colonel to show you leniency."

The thief smiled as he lazily took a small bauble out, then threw it to the ground. The bauble exploded and bluish-gas immediately surrounded the area, causing the Queen to cough severely. The gas suddenly disappeared and so did Lupin! The thief was nowhere to be found, but a piece of paper caught the masked woman's attention. It had a drawing of Lupin with him winking and his tongue stuck out defiantly. There was a note:

"My dear Le Rei de Rapiers, I dare you to make me return what I stolen. I am the greatest thief and nobody is going to stop me. Not fat, overfed Dons. Not some pompous tin soldier and not some madamoiselle who fancies herself the English's Robin Hood. Au revoir and better luck next time. Aresene Hercule Lupin III"

The fuming masked vigilantress ripped up the note as a barrage of the vilest Spanish oaths erupted from her lips. That Diablo got away! He will pay for this! For one brief moment, the Queen suddenly realized how Grisham and Montoya must have felt. The frustration of having one's prey in sight, almost touching it, only to escape and mock the hunter. She could picture Dr. Helm getting a good laugh from her failure.

"So he escaped?" Sure enough, Helm's mockingly smiling face showed zero sympathy. "Now we know how Montoya and Grisham feel."

"Shut up!" Tessa snarled as she was bathing the total ten days of dust, dirt and disappointment away. "It is bad enough that culebra gloats about outsmarting me."

"Like I said, he is from a family of thieves thar has never been caught or convicted in all its history."

"Patron!" Diego entered carrying a saddlebag. "This was outside."

Tessa took the saddlebag and gave the peon a glass of lemonade while she opened it and gasped. There were all the possessions that were stolen along with an exquisite diamond-and-sapphire necklace and earrings. There was also a note.

"Bonjour mon vieux. Just a small token of thanks for your warm hospitality. No had feelings about being robbed. Until we meet again, O Rarest of God's Heavenly Angels." Aresene Hercule Lupin III "

"My God!" Helm was almost laughing. "He is bloody shameless!"

"He is," Tessa smiled. "A shameless charming rogue. I am certain our paths will cross again one day."

"Well, until later."

Helm kissed Tessa on the cheek and left while she examined the contents of the saddlebag. Every paper, candlestick, item of jewelery and other items were all returned. A change of heart? Had she appealed to his conscience? She smiled as she reclined in the tub and said a silent prayer for the charming rogue Aresene Hercule Lupin III.

THE END

©The Wolf - Neil Burns - June 2001

Please send comments on this story to the author - Neil Burns