DISCLAIMERS-The per usual legal stuff
SUMMARY-The Queen of Swords has unusual allies.
COMMENTS-A QUEEN OF SWORDS/POKEMON crossover. Dedicated to our lovely
webmistress.

MARIL-1. Our beloved webmistress from the Great White North who writes excellent stories and runs QUILL AND SWORD

2. WATER-TYPE Pokemon. A blue mouse-like creature whose tail and ears act like radar and it spews water.

POKEQUEEN
By Neil Burns

"DAMN IT!" The Queen of Swords cursed as she found herself surrounded by Captain Marcus Grisham and his men.

"Looks like your luck's run out, darling," Grisham crowed. "You are under arrest."

"I believe you Americanos have a saying, 'over my dead body'."

"That can be arranged." He drew his sword. "Shall we dance?"

"I thought you would never ask."

The two adversaries crossed swords and began going at it. Having crossed swords many times, the two almost knew each other's moves so the Queen parried and counterparried while trying to formulate a strategy not thought of before. The soliders stood, enjoying the spectacle and began cheering and taking bets as to who would win, some actually going with the masked vigilantress. Suddenly--

"Maril! Maril!" Everyone turned and saw the strangest sight. A blue mouselike creature whose body was almost literally a semi-spherical head resting on a spherical body with a wire-like tail with a blue ball on the end. The ears were round and twitched as the face beamed amiably.

"What the hell is that?" Grisham asked as he continued to parry with the Queen.

Suddenly, the mouselike creature spewed a geyser of water from its mouth, drenching Grisham and his men, then walked over to the Queen who smiled in surprised gratitude and knelt to pat it. A large ball of lightning leapt in the air.

"PIIIIIIIIIIIIIKAAAAAAAAAAAAACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!"

Tendrils of electricity snaked out of the thunderball and zapped Grisham and the soldiers, the stench of burnt clothes and roasting flesh permeating the desert and assaulting the Queen's nostrils, knocking them unconscious. The ball dissipated, revealing a yellow mouselike creature a bit over a foot tall with long ears, stripes on its back and a thunderbolt-shaped tail. Red cheeks crackled on either side of a genially smiling mouth and it also seemed to share the other creature's amiable disposition.

"Maril! Maril!"
"Pika?"
"Maril."
Pika? Pika pika."

The Queen had no idea what the two were "discussing", but she did know that the adorable little darlings rescued her from certain arrest and death. She kissed both "mice" on their heads.

"Muchas gracias, ratonitos," she smiled. "I appreciate your help."

"Maril. Maril."

"Pikachu."

"Are those what you call yourselves or are they what species you are?"

The two looked at each other and nodded amiably.

"Maril!"
"Pika. Pikachu."

"I will assume that means both. Well, my charming little rescuers. Let us get you home and reward your bravery."

The Queen gently picked up both mice and mounted Chico, making certain that the two were secure and rode off, a delighted, mocking laugh escaped her lips.

Sometime later, Captain Grisham and the soldiers came to and got up, wondering what hit them. Shaking his head, the ex-patriate looked down and saw the Tarot card. He began laughing to himself.

"Oh, is Montoya gonna loooooove THIS one. Let's head on back, boys. Our Fearless Leader awaits our report."

The men rode off back to Santa Helena, knowing that Montoya would be less than thrilled. As they left, nobody saw a small orange, lizard watching the goings-on with amusement, the fire on its tail burning brightly.

"Charmander! Char! Char!"

Marta was making her mother's favorite lamb stew, occassionally looking over at her young ward Tessa taking a bubblebath and rolling her eyes at seeing her playing with the two mouselike creatures in the water giggling like a schoolgirl. The Maril and Pikachu splashed her and each other gleefully.

"Maril! Maaarrriilll!!!""Pika! Pika!"

"Ugh," Marta grimaced. "What disgusting vermin."

"Oh, come, Marta," Tessa grinned, scratching the "mice's" ears. "They are adorable. Plus, they saved me from Grisham and his men."

"I can imagine Grisham trying to explain this to Montoya." Marta's mouth cracked into a wide grin.

"Yes, I almost feel sorry for him."

"Isn't this a touching sight," A familiar baritone voice. "A girl playing with her whatever-you-call-those."

Marta and Tessa gasped, turning around, and saw Dr. Robert Helm leaning against the wall, his handsome features in a sardonic smile. Tessa immediately sank lower into the tub.

"Dr Helm!" she sputtered. "What is the meaning of this?! Do you not ever knock?!"

"Well!" Cruel sarcasm drenched every word of his reply. "Interesting how you, of all people, complain about my entering without knocking."

"Meaning what?"

"You waltz into my office and my quarters without knocking all the time and don't give a bloody thought about it. I decided to see how you like it. Bloody annoying, isn't it?"

"Point taken. Why are you here?"

"Just thought I'd make a housecall and see how Our Beloved Avenger is doing?"

"She is doing fine. And if a certain uninvited guest does not remove himself, SHE will see that HE needs a doctor himself."

"Touche. What are those things and where did they come from?"

Tessa explained how she was cornered by Grisham and his men and she was dueling him to the death when the two little monsters-for lack of a better word-Maril and Pikachu appeared out of nowhere and rescued her. Maril waddled over and rubbed its head amiably against his leg. Helm gave it a sarcastic pat on the head.

"It likes you, Robert," Tessa mused.

"I guess I have that effect on people," he replied.

"Not me."

"Of course not. You lock me up with that bastard Montoya as a joke. Thank you so very much. Bloody bitch."

"I was not in the mood for your 'help', Robert."

"Well, the good news is that, at least, I won't have to call you Maria Teresa Alvarado y Montoya."

"Thank God for small favors, as Grisham might say."

"I'd love to see Grisham explain this to Montoya."

Grisham stood in Montoya's office in front of Montoya, his eyebrows disappearing into his hairline and mouth dropped open in utter disbelief. The Colonel didn't know whether to laugh, to cry, to backhand or to shoot his "lapdog". In all his years in the Spanish Military, Luis Montoya had heard feeble excuses fom his men, but THIS was bordering on PURELY LUDICROUS!

"Are you completely insane, Grisham?!" Montoya grabbed his tunic. "Are you telling me that you had the Queen of Swords surrounded and two mice saved her?!"

"I wish I was lying, sir," Grisham replied, "but that's about the size of it."

"Two mice. A mouse that spits water and a mouse that disperses electricity."

"Yes, sir."

"Get out of my sight! Do not come back until you can come up with a more plausible explanation for your latest failure."

"I can show you my tunic, Colonel. It still smells like burnt flesh."

"Get out!"

Grisham saluted crisply and beat a hasty, graceful retreat before Monotya decided to strangle him. Montoya followed the ex-patriate out and glared at his back as Grisham walked down the steps to the street. The Gods are mocking me! My men were attacked by two mice?! If the Spanish Court gets word of this, I will be laughed out of Santa Helena. Montoya's gray serpentine eyes locked onto a familiar sight: Maria Teresa Alvarado and her Gitano duena Marta were walking to the market to purchase groceries. What caught his eye was the women each had a mouse-like creature sitting on her shoulder.

"Good morning, Captain," Tessa smiled. Grisham turned to reply.

"Morning, Senorita Al--oh shit!" Grisham spotted the two mice.

The Maril and Pikachu spotted Grisham and growled. Maril spurted a stream of water just missing Grisham as electricity crackled. Littled bolts shot from Pikachu's cheeks, causing Grisham to dance to avoid getting struck. A slight smirk of amusement danced on Montoya's face. So the idiot speaks the truth.

"Bueno dias, ladies," Montoya walked to the women and graced Tessa's hand with a gallant kiss. Maril smiled amiably, yet Pikachu sensed something menacing about the human dressed in black.

"Colonel Montoya," Tessa replied. "How are you this fine day?"

"Very well. I trust you and your servant are well."

"We are well, Colonel," Marta's throaty alto tickled Montoya's ears.

"What charming pets you have, Maria Teresa." Montoya patted the two "mice" on the head. Pikachu growled slightly, but allowed the human to touch it. "This one does not seem to care for me that much."

"Perhaps it is your wonderful personality." Tessa choked back a laugh as Montoya's eyebrow raised at the Gypsy's comment.

"Perhaps you would like to bring your little friends to my gathering tonight. I am sure Senora Hildago would find them as enchanting as you do."

Tessa nodded as she and Marta went on their way to the market. Montoya deliberately ignored Grisham and his I told you so expression. Unbeknownst to him, a figure watched the goings-on from the shadows. The little orange lizard from the desert was standing next to him.

"So this is where they have gone," the figure spoke in Japanese."Char. Charmander." The lizard assented the figure, its tail flaming bright.

It was not a typical Luis Montoya party, although there were the finery of the guests, the band playing merrily and the flamenco dancers spiritedly burning up the floor with their blistering staccatos. What made it atypical was that the guests seemed to be fascinated with the two mouse-like creatures, Maril and Pikachu, that Tessa had brought. Instead of being disgusted, Vera Hildago and a few of her friends were cooing and fawning over Maril as Tessa stroked Pikachu's head and back as it cooed appreciatively.

"Well, my dear," Helm sat down next to Tessa . "It would seem that your little friends are the hit of the party."

"Indeed, Dr. Helm," Tessa smiled. "These little darlings were a Godsend."

"So, does that mean you're letting cute little animals do your fighting for you?"

"You are so cute when you're being sarcastic."

Suddenly, Pikachu emitted a low growl as Montoya and Grisham approached the table. Montoya kissed Tessa's hand in his usual reptilian manner as Grisham merely nodded while standing a bit behind him.

"Good evening, Colonel," Tessa beamed sweetly. "Captain Grisham, why are you standing back there."

"Nothing personal, senorita," Grisham replied. "Just that your little friend sitting on the table doesn't seem to like me very much."

"You? Such a sweet, gentle, affable man? Pikachu does not like you?"

Helm and Montoya chuckled at the innocent, yet blatant sarcasm.

"The damn rat zapped me. Twice."

"How shocking," Helm smirked. "Then, I always knew you had an electrifying personality, Marcus."

"That was really bad, Helm."

"Maria Teresa," Montoya interjected, amused at Grisham being the per usual butt of a joke. "The Captain told me a rather implausible story."

"Really," Tessa batted her eyes. "Do tell."

"According to him, Grisham and his men had the Queen of Swords surrounded,only to be rescued by two mice."

"You're joking!" Tessa giggled. "How priceless."

"Yes. One of them is blue and spat water while the other is yellow and emits electricity."

"That is biologically impossible," Helm put in. "The only known animals who can do that are the electric eel and the jellyfish."

"Yet, this morning I see you and your charming maid walking through town with the aforementioned "mice" in your company. Tonight, they are the 'hit of the party', as the Americanos might say. So I am thinking--"

"Talk about implausible," Grisham quipped. Montoya graced him with a cocked chilly eyebrow in reply.

"Exactly how did the little creatures go from helping the Queen to being the centers of attention? It can not simply be coincidence."

"Actually," Tessa replied, "these are not mine. The Queen left them in my care as she headed out to look for their original owner. I have looking after the little darlings until whoever they belong to returns with the Queen."

"I see. You indeed are a charitable soul, my dear. I can see why they like you."

"Charmander! Char!"

A few of the guests looked behind them and hurriedly disperesed, allowing the little orange lizard from the desert casually saunter to the middle of the courtyard. The guests gasped as they saw that a bright red-ornage flame burned from the creature's tail. The lizard looked around at the humans gathered until it saw Maril and Pikachu. Both "mice" squeaked with joy as they bounded over and embraced the lizard.

"PIKACHU!"
"CHAR! CHAR!"
"MARIL! MARIL!"
"PIIKAAHHAAHCHUU!"
"CHARMANDER! CHAR!"
"MARIILL!"

Suddenly, an Oriental boy of about twelve years old entered and knelt before the creatures smiling and speaking in Japanese. His kimono was red with gold dragon designs.

"Konichiwa," Helm greeted the boy and began to speak to the boy in Japanese as the guests observed this with amazement.

"Dr. Helm," Montoya mused. "I did not know you spoke Japanese."

"Japanese. French. Italian. Spanish. Russian. Latin. German, rather poorly. And, of course, English. My uncle had Japanese servants. Very efficent."

"Good evening, young man," Montoya greeted in English, hazarding that he did not speak Spanish. "Is there something I can help you with."

"Konichiwa, Colonel-san," the boy replied, bowing in respect. "I am Ashura Satoshi. I have been looking for my Pokemon."

"I beg your pardon? Your what?"

Ashura put his hand in the "pocket" of his kimono and pulled out two balls that were red on top and white on the bottom. He pointed the to Maril and the lizard.

"Maril! Charmander! Return!" he commanded in Japanese.

A red beam of light shot from the balls then enveloped the creatures in a red glow. The creatures vanished as the beams returned to the balls. There were shocked gasps and murmurings. Pikachu hopped on the boy's shoulder and began to lick his cheek affectionately as he petted it.

"My Pokemon," Ashura continued. "Pocket Monsters."

"Monster's a good word," Grisham growled while pointing at Pikachu. "That little monster electrocuted me twice!"

"Are you sure? Pikachu are very gentle, shy creatures. You may have done something to upset it."

"You are their owner?" Tessa asked while petting Pikachu's head.

"Hei. You are the one who took care of Maril and Pikachu?"

"I was. They are darlings." A wide smile lit the courtyard with its radiance."

"Domo aragato, Alvarado-chan."

"I beg your pardon?" Tessa's eyebrows arched.

"He's saying 'thank you', senorita."

"How do I reply?"

"Say dozo arimashda. Also, san is a title of respect."

"Dozo arimashda, Satoshi-san."

"I am honored to have such a beautiful and kind woman look after my Maril and Pikachu."

Suddenly, Grisham left and returned with several soldiers who suddenly grabbed the boy and began dragging him off.

"Captain!" Tessa protested. "What is the meaning of this?!"

"Kid's got a dangerous animal," the ex-patriate replied. "Someone gets hurt, me for example, he's gotta take responsibility."

"Could you have waited at least until my party was over?" Montoya asked irritated at his "lapdog"'s usual display of subtlety.

"Sorry, sir. Couldn't take the chance of you being zapped as well. Guards! Shoot that beast!"

"No!" Ashura tackled a soldier who was about to fire upon Pikachu before another riflebutt to the back of the head knocked him to the ground.

"Get the brat out of here! Throw him in jail! Ramirez! Vega!"

The two aforementioned soldiers snapped to attention.

"Find the little rat and kill it!"

The soldiers left to carry out their orders as the boy was dragged off to the jail. Montoya glared at the smirking Grisham as he apologized to the guests for the "vulgar display my tactless aide subjected us to." Grisham gave a mocking salute and left, ignoring a sea of murmuring and glares as well as Montoya who was pleading to the cruelly mocking Gods, not for the first time.

"What did I ever do to be stuck with such a tactless idiot?!"

Tessa was pacing the main hall, her brow furrowed with worry and anger. It had been several hours since Montoya's party finished and she was upset that Captain Grisham would dare arrest Satoshi right there in front of the guests. Even Montoya was disturbed at the ex-patriate's usual lack of tact.

"This is outrageous," Tessa fumed. "The boy did nothing!"

"I agree," Marta replied. "I do not like the little vermin, but it was not the boy's fault Grisham got zapped."

"Yet, Montoya is going to have the boy flogged for 'not training his pets properly'."

"Montoya should talk about training one's pets."

"CHAR! CHAR!"

Tessa and Marta turned and saw the lizard Charmander, Maril as well as a turtle and, to their disbelief, an eight-foot brownish-red parrot with a plume that hung down its back like a long pompedour.

"Pidgeot!" it exclaimed.

"Squirtle!" the little turtle rasped.

Suddenly, Maril and Pikachu ran in followed by a very bemused and amused Robert Helm. Tessa could not help but smile as the giant bird-Pidgeot-nuzzled its head against the Englishman's.

"Well, here's the cavalry," Helm quipped.

"It's seems that your friend," Tessa indicated Pidgeot, "has found a fellow birdbrain."

"Oh, very amusing. Just like Maril and Pikachu like being with a fellow rat! "

"I beg your pardon?"

"Squirtle!" the little turtle stepped in between the two and began wagging its finger. "Squirtle! Squirtle! Squirt! Squirt! Squirtle! Squirtle!"

"What the bloody hell is it saying?" Helm rolled his eyes. "Can't one of these things bloody speak English?"

"I am guessing it is telling you two," Marta dryly smiled, "not to argue while its owner faces a servere flogging tommorrow."

Tessa and Helm agreed to call off their per usual arguing while Marta brought a tray of fruit for the little Pocket Monsters-POKEMON-to munch on. The group spent a part of the night planning the Monsters' owner's rescue, Tessa smiling about the reaction on Montoya's face the next morning.

It was a fairly warm morning and the crowd gathered saw the Japanese boy being led out to the pillory where Grisham stood with a whip and Montoya smiled somewhat sympathetically. The boy stopped as Montoya patted the boy's head.

"I sincerely regret this," he smiled oozing charm. "I am actually fond of children."

"Sure you are," Helm standing nearby, chimed in. "And I'm Ponce de Leon."

"However, an owner is responsible for his or her pet. Yours attacked my men without provocation."

"They are gentle creatures, Montoya-san," Satoshi replied calmly. "I regret any inconvience, but your men must have provoked them."

"Well, you still must be punished, but I believe in the 'quality of mercy', as Portia described it in MERCHANT OF VENICE." that got a derisive snort from Helm.

"You wouldn't know 'quality of mercy' ," Helm chimed in, "if it came up and slapped that arrogant mug of yours."

Montoya chose to ignore Helm's insults. I will deal with the good doctor later. He was about to order one of the guards to rip Satoshi's kimono off, but the boy raised a restraining hand and calmly removed it himself and folded it into a neat pile on the ground. The guard was about to tie Satoshi to the pillory when suddenly--

"MADRE DI DIOS!!"

Everyone turned and gasped in shock and horror. A giant bird was flying right toward them! It zoomed by, the impact of its waked knocking over people and breaking windows. The bird flew up in the sky and stopped.

"PIDGEOT!!"

Suddenly, Pidgeot dove and zoomed toward Montoya and Grisham who ran like hell to get out of the way. Suddenly, the Queen of Swords somersaulted off the giant bird's neck and threw the red-and-white balls she carried in her sash and the little Monsters which resided inside popped out, their faces masks of anger and determination.

As the crowd gasped in shock, Pidgeot hurled itself at the soldiers and kncoked them over. It then flew into the air and clapped its wings together, the force knocking everyone over again. The lizard Charmander walked up to Satoshi and raised its flaming tail up to his hands, burning the rope off while Maril and Pikachu were tackling Grisham, Montoya and the soldiers with strength that belied their tiny bodies. The Queen got into the act, parrying and outclassing the soldiers with her per usual flair.

"Welcome to the party, Your Majesty," Helm smirked.

"Thank you, doctor," the Queen replied.

"Flying in on an eight-foot bird. Now that is creative."

"I try my best."

The crowd dispersed, screaming hysterically, as Charmander was chasing the soldiers around the square breathing fire. Satoshi blocked the soldiers and dropped them with incredible karate and judo moves, Montoya and Grisham's mouths dropping at the speed and power with which the boy was executing them. Squirtle and Maril drenched the two officers and the soldiers with their water blasts. Then Pikachu stood over the prone drenched men, an evil grin on its adorable face as its body glowed with crackling electricity.

"Uh, listen, kid," Grisham looked at Satoshi. "Sorry for the misunderstanding."

"Yes," Montoya's eyes widened. "This was a most regrettable incident."

"What say we forget it?"

"I'm sorry," Satoshi smiled, patting Pikachu's head, "but this insult is unpardonable."

The Queen walked up to Montoya and knelt beside him. A mock pat on the head.

"Flogging an innocent child, Luis," she tisked. "How inhuman."

"Please, this ain't helping."

"Who arrested this boy, Captain?" the Queen smiled with mock sympathy. "Who was going to flog him?"

"I said I was sorry."

"I am afraid you both need a lesson. May the Holy Father forgive you. Ashura?"

Satoshi nodded and the yellow mouse Pikachu's grin broadened Satanically.

"PIIIIIIIIIIIIKAAAAAAAAACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!"

The stench of burnt clothes mixed with searing flesh assaulted the townspeople as Montoya and company received the WORST SHOCKING of their LIFE. Helm's mouth dropped.

"That is bloody impossible," he observed. "No creature has that much electrical power."

"Doctor?" the Queen asked.

"Every living thing is made up of biological electricity. That thing has enough electricity to kill half of California, if not more."

Pikachu finally stopped and gave the two heavily panting officers a mock friendly lick on the cheek before bounding into its owner's arms, as did the other Pocket Monsters.

The next day, Satoshi and Pikachu were saying goodbye to Tessa and Marta as Pidgeot chirped happily.

"Again," the boy smiled as he bowed. "domo aragato for taking good care of Pikachu and Maril. They are my two favorites."

"It was an honor," Tessa kissed Satoshi's cheek. "Dozo arimashda."

"May the Goddess watch over you," Marta smiled. "Where is the little blue rat?"

"He is resting in his ball," Satoshi smirked mounting the giant parrot.

"Take care of yourself."

"Please come visit again," Tessa waved as the bird flew off.

Montoya and Helm were watching this from their horses on the hill overlooking the hacienda. Grim expressions were stamped on their handsome features.

"Well, good riddance," Grisham growled.

"Indeed," Montoya replied. "Another incident we can not tell the Court."

"Puppets that come to life and attack people. An ex-friend who has a Zorro fetish. A giant bird and two mice. And, of course, a woman who thinks she's Robin Hood."

"Why does this happen to me? What gods did I offend to deserve this?"

"You gotta say it sure hasn't been dull."

"I like dull. I want to deal with daily affairs with no incident, Grisham."

The two men studied the hacienda and the two women a little longer before heading back to town.

THE END

©PokeQueen - Neil Burns - April 2001

Please send your comments on this story to the author: Neil Burns