Disclaimer: The characters from the Queen of Swords are copyright to Fireworks Productions and Paramount. No infringement of copyright is intended nor revenue expected from their use. The story plot and other characters are copyright to the author, Maril Swan.

The Queen of Swords Diary
by Maril Swan

inspired by Helen Fielding (Bridget Jones' Diary) with apologies to same

Sunday 1 April

8:00 a.m. Awake, sunny day. Last night; soldiers' deaths 0, (v.g.) keep up this record, may not go to Hell as previously feared. Holes in blouse 4. Will try to fix, avoid lecture from Marta on carelessness with clothes, self

8:10 a.m. Searching for needles, thread, can't find

8:20 a.m. Found same. Hidden in sewing basket

8:35 a.m. Holes mended (v.g.), (ahhghh) sleeve sewn together, can't put arm in.

8:40 a.m. Gave blouse to Marta, received lecture from same on carelessness with clothes, self and bad sewing. Kept temper for at least 2 minutes (v.g.)

8:45 a.m. To make peace with Marta, will make breakfast of oatmeal, her favourite.

8:50 a.m. Searching for oats, can't find

9:00 a.m. Found oats in obvious place, oat bin in stable (am amazing self-sufficient person)

9:10 a.m. Started oats cooking, doesn't look like Marta's oatmeal

9:45 a.m. Still cooking, looks like glue with hard bits in it

10:00 a.m. Marta tasted oats, got lecture from same on terrible cooking. Kept temper for over a minute (v.g.)

10:15 a.m. Fed oats to Chico. At least horse likes my cooking

Monday 2 April

9:00 p.m. In Town. Dressed as the Queen. Am in steady relationship with man (hurrah) not doomed to be old maid as previously feared. Problem: eternal triangle; further problem: am both other sides of triangle

9:10 p.m. Still in Town. Minutes spent working up nerve to visit doctor 10 (poor), minutes spent daydreaming about visiting doctor 240 (obsessing, not v. good)

9:45 p.m. Back at Home. Minutes explaining to Marta where I was 10. Kept temper for at least one minute (v.g.)

Tuesday 3 April

10:00 a.m. Home. Must plan to stop arms shipment into Santa Helena. If same get into Montoya's hands, could mean trouble.

10:10 a.m. Trying to think of good plan, am thinking of doctor instead

10:50 a.m. Finally have plan, not for shipment but for relationship with doctor

11:00 a.m. Now have plan for shipment

11:10 a.m. Explained plan to Marta

11:20 a.m. Received ten minute lecture on insanity of plan and self. Almost kept temper (not v.g.)

1:30 p.m. Santa Helena. Marta at market, am working up nerve to visit doctor. No symptoms. Must come up with good reason for visit.

1:45 p.m. Still in Town. Walked over to doctor's office and entered (am fearless person with steady nerves)

1:46 p.m. Doctor's office. Saw Doctor. Kept temper for over two minutes (v.g.) In spite of lecture from same over failure to knock on door.

1:49 p.m. Outside Doctor's office. Will wait for Marta at wagon (am doomed to be old maid after all)

©The Queen of Swords Diary - Maril Swan - April 2001

Please send your comments on this story to the author -Maril Swan